Mirror+Writting

Mirror Writing 2nd Draft The boy staring back at me seems familiar. He always has his blondie brown hair messy like a rubbish dump. His hair shines like gold when the sun hits it. They boy’s eyes are a hazel **c**olour. There is a bronze colour around his pitch black pupil and sometimes his eyes are a little bloodshot when he is tired. Another thing you notice is his shiny small gold freckles on his face, which he created through years of playing cricket on a hot sunny day!. He was born in the amazing year of 1997 at Waikato Hospital. Through out his 11 exciting years he has had many great adventures and experiences. **__Like the times he has been to Australia 3 times (does this sound right?)__**. He has also been to lots of places in NZ. He remembers an experience clearly when he was playing cricket 1 year ago in Wanganui. His dad was giving him throw downs and the ball bounced up and split his lip open, the blood streamed out straight away when the ball hit him.

His ambitions are to become a famous rugby or cricket player for New Zealand. But if that is not achievable, he will have to think about what to have as a job then. So far his favourite subjects are P.E and Maths. He has lots of friends and gets on well with them. He tries his best in his favourite subjects and some other subjects. He is enjoying his second year at Fairfield. As he strides away from the mirror he realises what a great person he really is.

By Dylan Johns

What can you add to your experience in Paragraph 2? Can you decsribe the setting? What was teh weather like? What happened after your lip was cut? Why were you in Wanganui?//** The boy staring back at me seems familiar. He always has his blondie brown hair messy like a rubbish dump. His hair shines like gold when the sun hits it. They boy’s eyes are a hazel **c**olour. There is a bronze colour around his pitch black pupil and sometimes his eyes are a little bloodshot when he is tired. Another thing you notice is his shiny small gold freckles on his face, which he created through years of playing cricket on a hot sunny day!.
 * //Miss Crawford - I love the descriptive lanuage you have used in teh first paragrpah. Remember to proof read closely for spelling and gramar errors.

He was born in the amazing year of 1997 at Waikato Hospital. Through out his 11 exciting years he has had many great adventures and experiences. Some of his experiences are he has been to Australia 3 times. He has also been to lots of places in NZ. He clearly remembers an experience when he was representing Hamilton in cricket 1 year ago in Wanganui. It was a beautiful hot sunny day. His dad was giving him throw downs and the ball bounced up and split his lip open, the blood streamed out straight away when the ball hit him. He was in shock and he was concerned because he had to bat next and he didn't know if he would be able to.

His ambitions are to become a famous rugby or cricket player for New Zealand. But if that is not achievable, he will have to think about what to have as a job then. So far his favourite subjects are P.E and Maths. He has lots of friends and gets on well with them. He tries his best in his favourite subjects and some other subjects. He is enjoying his second year at Fairfield. As he strides away from the mirror he realises what a great person he really is.